I felt my world crashing around me and this little control freak was not handling it well. I cried. I cried a lot. (Good news is I have found a great waterproof mascara.) One time at the end of a crossfit WOD I remembered it was Crazy Tie day at my kid's school and I had forgotten to send them with ties on. I immediately started crying and hauled it to the bathroom where I bawled as if I just found out my house had burned down. I'm sharing this now because I think it is important for me to be real because let's face it...nothing is as easy as it looks and I'm pretty sure you are struggling too. It may not be with foster kids that constantly scream and cry or feeling guilty for not being able to focus enough attention on each child in your world or totally screwing up at work over and over again because your desk is just covered in piles of papers that you have yet to find the bottom of because you are too busy cleaning up spills, wiping tiny tushies, and tackling mountains of laundry. For me, I lost myself completely because I hated that imaginary ideal girl that I so desperately wanted to be because there was no stinkin way I was ever going to be as perfect as she is.
And then big decisions had to be made and I was in absolutely no condition to make them. After lots of back and forth, tears, nausea, more tears Levi and I decided we were not the best home for our littles. We had been informed their mom was working hard to get them back but she lived 6 hours away which meant the kids were not having any contact with her and definitely losing any bond they had with her. They needed to be closer to their mom and we needed to regroup and recover our family. So last week we packed up six totes full of toys, clothes, and shoes, pictures, letters, school work, two bikes, a bed frame and mattress, the two CPS issued bags of clothes and diapers, and two little backpacks full of car entertainment, favorite stuffed animals, blankies, snacks, and drinks. Then with tears filling our eyes and pretend smiles on our faces we told those babies how much we loved them, will ALWAYS love them and that God was going with them even though we couldn't. We buckled them up, kissed them a hundred more times and then they left our home and our protection and I am still struggling with not knowing how they are doing every day. But each day gets less sad and all I keep thinking is how absolutely amazing it is that God used us to be a tiny part of the plans He has for those beautiful children who will always remain in our hearts.
I said all that to get to this part of the story...goodness gracious I am wordy. So in an attempt to grieve and heal as a family of four once again, we loaded up the four wheelers, filled the cooler with yummy meats, veggies, and evil non paleo foods, packed up some mud boots and warm clothes and headed to a cabin in Oklahoma. It was exactly what we needed to reconnect. We spent our days with our arms wrapped around each other on the four wheelers, fishing, wading in knee deep freezing river water, taking naps in the sunshine, and cuddling up all together in one very small queen sized bed despite there being two more beds to choose from. It was perfect! Kind of...
I learned a few important glamping (glamorous camping...thanks Jenny) lessons in those three short days.
1.) Some water really stinks. All the water in our fancy cabin smelled like rotten eggs. Levi acted like this was normal and I loved the way my hair felt from it but I seriously couldn't stand to drink it. The nearest grocery store was over an hour away so I just sucked it up and decided dehydration isn't THAT bad...right? Lesson learned...always take water.
2.) Mud boots are completely ineffective when the water level is higher than the top of the boot.
3.) No matter how much I pack there will never be enough socks.
4.) TV commercials are the devil! We don't have cable or satellite at home so we just watch shows on Netflix or Amazon. But at the cabin we had every channel known to man and the kids were completely sucked into it from the time they woke up to the time we were dragging them outside to enjoy some fresh air. But those commercials were killer. We'd be making breakfast and could just hear Jack and Addie constantly saying, "I want that. I want that. I want that." BLAHHHH! It was awful.
5.) (Here is the part of the post that is paleo...sorry it took so long to get here...writing is therapy.) CHEATING SUCKS. Like really really sucks. Before paleo, we used to always have real biscuits and gravy when we would go glamping. So we made the conscious decision to make real non paleo biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I was soooo excited! I was so disappointed. It just didn't taste as good as it used to. I felt like it left a film in my mouth. Gross. And then worse than gross mouth film it made me all bloaty and yucky feeling. My tummy pooched out for days! Even my fingers and ankles were swollen. Seriously, not pretty. And then to make matters worse we stopped at a cute pizza/bbq/baked potato restaurant and because I already felt like crap and vacation was about to be over I ordered the Loaded Baked Potato that was covered in a thick layer of cheesy awesomeness. I'm not going to lie...it was good. But while I was eating it I thought "I bet this is going to make my skin look bad this week." For some reason when I eat dairy my right shoulder breaks out into a rash. Weird. But sure enough 20 minutes later rash appeared...and stayed for days. So I have been kicking myself all week for these cheats that really were not worth it at all.
I have also noticed this week my body hurts differently during workouts. Not the muscly, this hurts good kind of hurt. My joints hurt...bad. I couldn't do overhead squats because my wrists were killing me so badly I had to stop...which really ticked me off. And I have had slight headaches all week. I can't say for sure that all of this is from increased inflammation due to bad food choices but I'm inclined to think that it plays a pretty huge part. And the craziest thing is I know all of this. I freakin preach this to anyone willing to listen all the stinkin time! Why can't I just grow a brain and remember to not cheat because it sucks?!?! I have no answers. And hopefully my experience at paleo and life struggles and disappointments will help you feel better about your own. We are going to always struggle in this life...even in the small things. There is no need to pretend perfection. Let's be real. Let's eat real food. And let's give each other and ourselves some grace.
You don't have to be perfect to make this super simple yet fancy meal. Maybe it isn't fancy but I always think anything wrapped is special...kind of like a present. (BTW...my birthday is just a couple months away...I like shiny things, just so you know.)
Pork Belly Wrapped Pork Chops with Roasted Cauliflower and Fall Medley
For the pork wrapped pork:
Ingredients:
Pork belly
Pork chops
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 coconut aminos
3 TBSP fresh chopped rosemary...If you need some you are more than welcome to the overgrowth of rosemary in my garden.
1 HEAPING TBSP garlic
1 TBSP honey
1 TBSP vinegar of choice...I used white wine vinegar
salt and pepper
Place pork chops in gallon sized baggie. Pour all ingredients except for the pork belly (I wasn't sure if I needed to say that or not but just to be clarify...). Stick in fridge until one hour before you want to eat dinner. Then pull out of fridge, wrap each pork chop with the pork belly. Place in casserole dish and pour remaining marinade over top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 min.
For the Roasted Cauliflower.
Ingredients:
One head of Cauliflower, chopped into florets
1 TBSP Thyme
1/4 tsp pepper flakes
3 TBSP olive oil
salt and pepper
In a large bowl or gallon sized baggie add all ingredients and toss. Pour onto foil lined baking sheet and roast in oven at 450 degrees for 20 minutes.
For the Fall Medley
Ingredients:
Butternut squash, diced
2 small sweet potatoes, diced
2 Apples, diced
2 Pears, diced
1/2 cup walnuts or pecans or both
1 TBSP cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3 TBSP coconut oil
salt
In a large bowl or gallon sized baggie add all ingredients and toss. Pour onto foil lined baking sheet and roast in oven at 450 degrees for 20 minutes.
I prepared everything in advance the night before and just left the side dishes in baggies until it was time to throw them in the oven.
No comments:
Post a Comment